Green's Hill-Amy Lane's Home - News

Thursday, May 21, 2015


Things that happen on the Thursday after a con--

*  My shit usually arrives via post. Huzzah! The kids get presents!

*  I have to remind my husband--yet again-- that if he forces me into the social whirlwind, I will hate everybody, including him.  Especially him.

*  Yes, Francine, you still have to cook.

*  Because if you don't, your entire family will sit and stare at the television and wonder why no food go, and then cook pizza bites in the microwave at nine at night because that's quick.

*  SOMEBODY inevitably has a doctor's appointment/vet appointment/dentist appointment. Never fuckin' fails.

*  I have a surprise blog post/FB appearance/Twitter takeover scheduled. Surprise!

*  I recognize the need to go grocery shopping when I do not yet have the wherewithal to pick out clean underwear that fits.

*  I forget that I got all ambitious the day before and started laundry.

*  I pray for rain so I don't have to go into aqua tomorrow, and yet I might not feel like a many-hundred-pound banana slug, leaving a trail of slime around the house.

*  I hope that yes, I can jump back into the editing/writing/promoting groove, because I ALWAYS have a deadline.

*  I eat too much.  Don't ask me why.

*  And here's the kicker-- I get sick. Bronchitis, fever, stomach bug-- something. Always hits the Thursday after I get home.

*  Happy Thursday!

*  Now everybody join me and pray for rain!

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Today's Recap

Big Accomplishment: Working out and having five minutes of lunch with Mate

After School Chore: Taking Squish to dance class. For once, getting there early.

Big surprise: I have a head cold, and could literally sit for hours, knit, and catch up to SPN. (Btw, I'm still a few eps behind. Nobody spoil it for me, kk?)

Most grown-up thing I did: Tell Mate I couldn't go to the concert he's presently attending, because thousands of people is too big for me right now.

Most juvenile thing I did today: bought a Starbuck's sugar cookie and ate the whole thing

Best thing I did professionally: Started back on Winter Ball again.

Worst thing I did professionally: Fought the urge to break into an FB conversation. Someone tagged me (which shows up in my mailbox--it's how I know to go to FB and tell people thank you if they've said something nice) while bagging on me as a writer. Bad. Fucking. Form. I bravely ignored her but the fact that I was tempted to reply means I'm not as grownup as I should be.

REALLY the worst thing I did professionally: Mention the FB tagging thing in public at all. I'm a little sick-- forgive me.

Best thing I did as a parent: Remembered to make my son's appointment for his meds.

Worst thing I did as a parent: Forgot I needed to make his TDAP appointment too.

Most unexpected thing: Friend is having a cancer scare-- did not expect that.

Most expected thing: Noodle night! Hurray for not cooking!

Pleasantest surprise: Reading Daphne Du Maurier's Rebecca is reminding me what it was like to read romance as a teenager again. I used to love Mary Stewart and Phyllis A. Whitney-- Rebecca was like their godmother--came first and magically blessed.

Unpleasantest surprise: Just because you dodge out of the way to let an ambulance through does not mean people let you back in. Fuckheads.

Promo I almost forgot:  I'm taking over the Keith Milano Facebook Event tomorrow at 1p.m. PST (or 4 p.m. EST) I'll try to have some giveaways (although swag is sort of thin on the ground right now-- all given away for RT!) and something fun to talk about. (Right now I've got the beauty of Sudafed, which I would like to experience.) Look for me HERE at 1 p.m..

Thing I'd like to do before I fall asleep: Write-- it's supposed to be my principle occupation, you know.

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Little Things I've learned...

Over the years I've learned little tiny bits about the wide world from reading.  Examples?

A loo is a toilet

Football is soccer

Surgery can be a noun

Theater can be spelled Theatre

Recognize can be spelled Recognise

"Hard put-upon" is an expression.

So is "Hoist with his own petard."

Kerchief = Handkerchief

Exchequer is really a thing!

Water closets aren't just a closet for water.

Loos, water closets, and toilets have been around since Egyptian days.

Cigarettes can come in cases.

Smoking can be a sign of gentility and not just rednecks talking in a garage.

Sometimes underwear has to be rinsed out and hung up and not just thrown in the washing machine.

Sex actually happened before marriage in the old days too.

Tiny expressions and mannerisms can indicate a change of mood.

Culture can inform prose.

Socially ethnic culture can inform prose in colorful ways.

We shouldn't weed out socially ethnic culture from our prose.

Because it's more interesting that way.

-- so, interactive time--

What's your favorite "exotic" spelling or fact that you've picked up from reading?

Monday, May 18, 2015

Let there be dogs!

I'm home! Let there be dogs!

Also-- Buzzfeed and Jezebel had their own take on RT.

Both of them were pretty awesome!

And I napped so hard I dreamed I fell asleep.

Yeah-- not gonna be all that entertaining for the next few days.

Bear with me.

I'll be writing instead. ;-)

Sunday, May 17, 2015

The Rain Song

 So… in the past two days there has been…

* A book signing (*waves*) in which I spoke to one of my idols, but she seemed very shy so I'm gonna sort of keep that private, and a WHOLE LOT of really nice fans!

* The Fantastic Day Party (I may have a headshot from that-- stay tuned!) during which all of my DSP peeps dressed up and looked dreamy and some really tremendous authors all mingled.

* A trip to Ellen's Southern Kitchen for dinner with Rayna, Kate, J.A. Rock,  Wade Kelly, and Joyfully Jay (was yummy!)

* A bar conversation with Eloisa James. (Some of you just swooned, don't lie-- she's splendid in person!)

* A bartime conversation with Sandra Lake-- a new author with more chutzpah than you can pack in a suitcase. If you like het historical fantasy, check her out.

* Brunch with Jen, a fan, who apparently talks to strangers even more than I do!  I adored her-- ADORED her. She presented me with some Texas Bluebonnet colored Madeleine Tosh-- I was TICKLED. Honestly, Jen reminded me of why I write, why I write people that I think I'd admire, and why I don't take the easy way out sometimes. Sometimes, we need to read about the hard way out-- even adorable happy tremendous fantastic people who bring me yarn need to read that.  So Jen, remember that Cory and Quickening are coming.

* And after brunch with Jen we came back to the hotel and I said goodbye to my con buddies-- Rayna Vauss, Tere Michaels, Damon Suede and Kate MacMurray (if you don't think I'm name dropping, you need to go to amazon and see for yourself!)  Also caught Christopher Rice and got to say goodbye to him-- it's been a good con for people!  (I missed saying goodbye to Andrew Grey though-- :-/)

*  In the middle of goodbyes, Elizabeth called me and asked me if I wanted to go shopping and out to dinner with my favorite peoples--Connie, Ariel, Nicki, and Elizabeth herself.

*  We had a stunning time.  Elizabeth, Ariel, and I got lost at The Yarn Fairy, and when we found ourselves, we all had the same yarn (in different colors) for a lovely stole, simply made.  One of my memories, to be treasured always (and I regret I didn't catch it in a picture) is of Elizabeth and Ariel sitting on the floor of the yarn store, too eager to cast on to their new projects to even wait for a chair.

*  When we were done we went to the Skecher's store, where I replaced my completely worn Stretchies (which did me proud this week!) with a lovely pair of flip-flops with memory foam.  Ah, feet that breathe.

*  When we were done with that, we went to Korean BBQ… Which was awesome.  However, do you sense the exhaustion here?


Remember that scene at the end of The Avengers, where they're all eating Schwarma?


We're all done.  Not a one of us doesn't want to be home.  Goodbye, Dallas-- it's been swell, but I want to get home and start knitting some of this.

After I hug my family, of course.  For about a week or twelve.

So I'm going to leave you with two things-- the first is this scene from Almost Famous.

And the second is this classic Led Zeppelin Riff…

Cause I think you'll get the idea.

Friday, May 15, 2015

The picture post...

I am having a good day here--

Dreamspinner did it's Apples-to-Apples game-- went well!  Damon Suede, Tere Michaels, Kate McMurray, Rayna Vauss and a lot of other people awesome people all did the Wheel of Romance-- also, went very well.  But after that and lunch, we were a little tired (except Damon, who is probably still dancing) and we wanted to unwind.

So we had a drink or two, and some dinner and another drink, and we bullshitted and had a really good time.  It was sort of cool-- I think they filmed the Amazing Race in Dallas this week, and today they rappelled down the tower next to the hotel.  They were having that party in the bar too-- so fun times!

In general, after a lot of running around (much of which I haven't even hinted here because it will make you tired) there was camaraderie and general good will.


And on the other side of the world, Mate was making Russian tea cakes and pirogi for Zoomboy's Russia presentation and report, to sell for the annual PTA fundraiser.

I have pictures, but I missed being there in person-- a lot.

And I didn't even know how much, right? Because we're all so busy.

But today, I was packing my swag up from the swag room, and I got to the bottom of the box that arrived today.  Mate had to send me some swag and my banner, and it was a big hairy deal, and I was so grateful that he could do that for me.   Anyway, so I made sure there weren't any pins in the bottom of the box, and then I found my mouse.

See-- when I packed up my computer, I remembered the mouse receiver  that goes in the port, but I forgot the mouse.  My touchpad occasionally goes on the fritz, so the mouse was just the better way to go.

And I saw the mouse, and was reminded again at my husband's thoughtfulness, and that he had the kids today at Open House, and that I wasn't going to be there.

And I cried.

And that's when I suggested we go for a drink afterwards.

Which was probably a good call.  Because geez, I'm so sorry I missed this.

Thursday, May 14, 2015

And Then God Made the Uhnniks...

It never fails.

I attract ancient mariners-- you know the kind?  Once, working late night at McDonalds, I was one of two people in the restaurant who got to talk to Jesus Christ.

My friend runs out, high on crank, and shakes hands with the customer in the white terry cloth robe with the long beard and the piercing blue eyes.

"Hi!" she said. "My name is Carrie-- what's you're name?"

"My name is Jesus Christ."

And I think, We should probably get this guy out of here. It's very late.

So I say,  "Would like like a cup of coffee, Mr. Christ?"

"No, I was just going to go through your trash."

"You should know we compact our garbage."

"Thank you, that's kind of you to tell me."

So there you go. Me and Jesus. We're solid like that.

Anyway-- I was at the ARe cocktail party which was splendid--lovely nosh and fun people and they didn't mind giving me cranberry juice and soda, because I hadn't eaten and I didn't want to get drunk.

Anne Tenino and I had to get back early, so we shared a cab with Damon, T.A. Chase, and Devon Rhodes-- and I love all these people, so fun, right?  Except I'm the big girl in the front.

And the driver starts talking.

"This here, this is where they shot Jack Ruby."

"Wow! That's good to know."

The car idles at the stoplight for another minute.

"And that's the sixth floor of the depository."


"And that's the grassy knoll.  Did you know about that from school?"

"Yessir, they taught us about that."

"Good. That's where Kennedy was shot."

"I know sir."

And in the background, Damon is getting very animated about planning an event with everyone in the car but me, remember me? I'm the one talking to the white-bearded cabbie with the red and white star-spangled sequined cowboy hat.

Damon says, "I can teach character classes and sex classes and point of view classes…"

And my cab driver says, "Sex classes?"

"Yes sir, we're all writers."

"What kind of writers? Like articles?"

"No sir, we're romance writers."

"And he teaches sex classes?"

"Well, we all write gay romance-- sex classes help us do our job better."

Yes. Yes I did say that to the man with the red and white star-spangled sequined cowboy hat, why do you ask?


"Sex classes?"

"Yes sir."

"And you all write… gay romance?"

"Yes sir."

There was a pause.

"So, like men like to think of two girls together…?"

"That's the idea."


And another silence, and we turn into the street where the hotel is.

Then-- "YOu know, not many people know about the passage in the Bible, Mark someutz, where Jesus says God made gay people."

I'm a little non-plussed.  "No, but I do know about the passage in Luke where Jesus agrees to heal the Centurion's erastes pais, which was the slave who was the male lover of a member of the Roman legion. The Centurion was frantic-- he loved his erastes pais and he knew he could be beheaded for asking Jesus for help. He said, 'Please, come to my home and see it's a good home.' Jesus didn't need to come to his home-- he knew that there was love there so he healed the slave.'"

The cab driver was unimpressed.

"Yeah, but in Mark, Jesus said God made the Uhnniks."

Me: 0.0  "Uhm, the--"

"You know, the Uhnniks?  Them people who were supposed to be gay cause they were made that way… down there?"

Me: 0.0  "Uhm… the eunuchs? Cause, God didn't make those people, they were slaves who were castrated at birth."

Cab driver: "Nope. Some of them just came out that way, and Jesus said that God made the Uhnniks, and we had to be nice to them too.  That'll be $17.95."

I gave him $25-- because seriously, he may have taken the wrong path, but at least he caught the part where we were supposed to be nice to everybody.

Poor Uhnniks.

But we get out of the cab, and everybody is talking about exciting writer things, and I'm like, "Did you people… ugh… did you hear… you're talking craft and I'm talking motherfuckin' Uhnniks…"

Damon pats me on the shoulder.  "That's okay dear.  We all know it's going to end up in a story somewhere."

MOtherfuckin' Uhnniks.  Poor, poor  me.

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Random moments...

*  I thought I lost the superman/batman knitting bag! Oh noes! Found it! My life is complete!

*  There's a bird who lives in the Hyatt Regency Dallas bar. He watches us eat and thinks evil thoughts.    ~~~insert evil laughter here~~~

*  Met Cherry Adair last night! SQUEEEE!!!

*  Tomorrow is LGBTQ Cards Against Humanity with Riptide at 1:30. WOOT!

*  Also, a cocktail party.

* Also, a dinner with Riptide.

*  Whew!

*  People have heard of me here! Had a lovely talk with some fans this morning. Amy is happy!

* Had a talk with a husband coming to support his wife. Nice, nice man. His wife won the Golden Heart contest sponsored by RWA THREE TIMES and no one would give her a contract. She decided to self-pub and I hope she kicks ASS.  And her husband was a sweetheart-- we were talking about helping the homeless, and how hard it was to know what was the right thing to do. (There was a man who had spoken to both of us, and his story was so consistent, and he was so NON needy, that we both wanted to confirm with each other that this guy was the real deal, and just needed some help.)

* Saw a man wearing pastel pink slacks, a green polo shirt, had silver wings at his temples, white loafers, and chains around his neck. No, not gay-- I'm pretty sure he's Texas Russian. Anyway-- he's SO getting a bit part in my next book.

* Got enough sleep last night. Had forgotten what that's like.  Enjoy it. Would, perchance, do it some more.

*  Would really like to make it to at least ONE workshop. Need to get shits together--all in one bag please!

* Friday is Dreamspinner Apples to Apples and Wheel of Romance-- WHEEE!

*  Saturday is Giant Book Fair and Fantastic Day Party-- WHEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

* Mate has to cook Russian food for Zoomboy's open house. Aw… gonna miss that.  Everyone wish Mate well!

* Geoffie sleeps with Zoomboy when I'm gone.  Who knew?

*  Johnnie sleeps with Mate. THAT'S loyalty.

* This kids reach this pitch on the third day of my absence… I thought it was just the phone, but apparently, it melts Mate's ear-balls too.

*  And I'm signing off. I need to take pictures-- i just do!

Monday, May 11, 2015

Easy travel?

Should be the name of a book, right?  Because seriously-- got to the airport at a nice hour, got to hug everybody goodbye, got to the hotel in a timely manner, check in was a breeze, and I was downstairs at seven, playing with authors at RT Bootcamp and make your own blurb!


Afterwards, we had a strategy meeting, followed by an expanding group of people at a cocktail party that felt like old friend I'd never met.  *waves at Carrie Anne Ryan & Charity the swag-hag! (I need your info, so I can link you!)* *waves at Christina Lauren* *waves at Damon Suede, Tere Michaels, Christopher Rice* *waves at Jennifer Armentrout*  *waves at Trent Hart and everybody I forgot*

Okay, so it got a little bigger than I'd planned.

So, that was fun!  Later than I'd planned, but fun!

And I got back, and I saw that  amazon had put Clear Water on Sale for $1, you know, in case you haven't read it yet.

And Chicken sent me THIS, which is the reason adverting should exist.  Seriously. It's worth the price of admission for the frog humping a pole, which is not symbolic at ALL.

So anyway-- now there's some writing, and some sleeping and some… ooh… listening to music.

And maybe some knitting!


Funny story…

Difference between writer's brain and reality.

Sitting next to a man, dark hair, dark eyes, slick dresser, great hair, in his fifties, thick, gorgeous accent.  Goes to pay for his red wine (!) with a big wad of cash.  I think, "Oh my God, I'm sitting next to a Soprano!"  plot plot plot…

Turns out, he's head waiter in a really nice Italian restaurant.

And we had  GREAT conversation.  (But the mob boss would have been fun to write about. Sayin'…)

Night all.. oh!  If you tweet, check out Cinema Craptastique tomorrow-- we're watching the Kellan Lutz version of Hercules at 5:30 or thereabouts!


Sunday, May 10, 2015

Happy Mother's Day!

I'm sort of running around today, as well spending some time hanging with family.  So, yanno, short blog post.

But since it's a short blog post decorated by one of Chicken's celebrated mother's day cards, that's okay.  I'm going to leave you all with this-- these are my children. I adore them. So very much.

Happy mother's day to all the moms out there.  You may not all get movies in your honor, but you all sure deserve one!


P.S.-- Gonna leave for Dallas tomorrow. May the tornadoes all go the fuck away. Just saying! See LOTS of you in RT!