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Word Pictures and Yarn--but only if you can find it in the mess!

Thursday, July 16, 2009

One or two things. Maybe five.

Thing one: Okay--I gave it up. Without cutting a single excessive sex scene, I sent my baby out to my first two beta readers so they can tell me how excessive the sex scenes actually are. For two weeks, at least, I'm free--and happily working on Jack & Teague's next adventure, 'Changing'.

Thing two: Today, however, I'm devoting to knitting and reading and staying as far away from the computer as possible. (yay!)

Thing three: I got two e-mails today--one from Germany and one from Italy. The one from Germany was asking me why my portrayal of Goth society was so negative and so one sided. The Italian one was asking if I'd ever thought about trying to publish my books in Italy--she thinks there's a big market for pnr in Italy. Needless to say, I am proportionally boggled by both e-mails. I think I'll deal with them by revisiting Thing Two.

Thing four: Burn Notice is on tonight. In the absence of new Supernatural episodes, that's as good as it gets!

Thing five: When you hear the following--CRASH "oops..." BANG "sorry..." BIFF "so sorry mom..." BAM "so so so so sorry, mom!" it is, perhaps, better to tell your 3 year old "It's okay, honey!" BEFORE you go see what the rest of that shit was all about!

Thing six: Big kids get home tomorrow. Roxie asked if it was harder or easier without them. The answer is: both. Yes--they do wrangle short people a lot, and that's always a help. It's also helpful that I don't have to drag the short people all over creation if we're short on milk or I need to get the car tuned. (And I do!) But they also talk a lot. The seem to think I owe them some sort of cranium space, and honestly, that's EXHAUSTING. So yes--I have enjoyed my break A LOT, but I also appreciate their helps with the short people. With any luck, by the time I pick them up tomorrow, Big T will have completely forgotten that I completely ripped his face off for being a 280 lb. turd as I was dropping him off at Grandmas. That in itself would be a real blessing.

Amy Out--you may see me on twitter today, but I may be too out of it to even tweet!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

The view from the edge of the dragon's cave....

Things look very strange.

Picture me... peeping my head from the edge of the dragon cave, ... a look outside, and I pop back in. Another look, and another pop... I do this about ten, fifteen times a day, getting glimpses of the landscape before I disappear into my hole, until finally, I have a patchy, random photo-in-the-round of reality as it appears to me. Wanna look?

I have edited 406 pages of Rampant and I still can't decide whether or not to cut one or two of the earlier sex scenes. THIS is EXACTLY why I treasure my beta readers. Eric? Littlewitch? Are you out there? Are you ready for round one? I think my brain is toast on this matter--I am at the place where I have no objectivity and everything I write must suck, suck large, and suck hard. I hate this place--it's like a knitting black hole. The only way to escape is to soldier on.

I have written, edited, and submitted 50 pages of 'If I Must'. I am... uncertain as to how I feel about this. Writing short contemporary fiction leaves me absolutely convinced that I forgot to go deeper into character depth and that I left out a vampire or a werewolf or something to make the plot tighter. But I liked Joel and Ian, and I think they're pretty hot. I have hopes for them-- but I won't find out if they found a home until after Sept. 1st.

The older kids left on Sunday to go camping with grandma--I came back from dropping them off, and Mate said, "The house feels like it lost weight."

I have a new acronym... but I can only use it when the kids ask me what's for dinner: Stuff Hanging In The Fridge & Under Cabinets, Kids! Yup... that's what I feel like when I have to cook!

We replaced out cable box/dvr--and lost the whole Season 4 of Supernatural in the process. I feel strangely bereft. And she disconnected the dvd player in the process, so I can't even watch Season's 1-3 to atone for my lost ones. I think I need to go read my own Wincest fanfic. It will make me feel better.

We have two hornets nests out under our eves. The cable girl killed one with something so foul, I don't think you can read the product label loud in the US-- but by gum, them fuckers was dead! Tomorrow I'm going out with a hose and a broom to kill the other next the old fashioned way. With squishing, squealing, grossness, and a healthy chance of getting stung.

I have noticed (and I've noticed this before) that almost the entire plot of the Disney's version of Cinderella is developed by characters OTHER than the principle characters. I like the movie, but, you know, the prince could have been sort of hot. Or he could have been a wife-beating control freak. I mean, all we really know is that his father was an interfering misogynist and the mice were really cool--and the duke had been, apparently, castrated at birth. Oh yeah-- we know her feet were hella small. I mean--THIS is what we build a classic movie on? I think I've been robbed!

I seem to have forgotten how to read stuff that's not on the computer. I've read plenty of e-books this summer (thanks, Jen!) but none of my paperbacks. Of course, the descent into the dragon's cave might have something to do with this. Maybe I'll try coming out of the damn thing tomorrow to see. (Besides--it smells rank in here!)

I got a request for Vulnerable to be reviewed by a big online 'zine. I sent in my author copy and a request to please don't base the entire review on the flaws, and now there's nothing to do but rip my nails off until my fingers bleed.

About two months ago, I sent a copy of Bitter Moon I & Bitter Moon II to a forward surgical officer in Afghanistan who participates in one of my forums fairly regularly. He left a very nice review for part II, and I found two things out today. Thing the first is that all the guys in his unit love it. I was moved very much--I guess guys in a surgical unit in a hostile land could sort of relate to Torrant's plight, regardless of his love life, yeah? The other thing is that part I never made it. He just got an empty envelope. I sent another copy, but now I'm wondering what happened to the first one... is it in someone's secret library? Has it been turned into toilet paper, what? The world may never know...

I sent both older kids to grandma's with homemade wool hats. T's was in camo-colored stripe, and Chicken's was in socks-that-rock, pink and blue--I folded up the brim and inserted some plastic canvas and made it a half-pipe hat. Visible love for a camping trip in the cold. Gotta love it.

And I made a serious investment in the following things: Two sets of pens, two sets of crayons, two boxes--one pink, one blue-- to put them in, two pairs of scissors and two sets of coloring books. Because I love my children, that's why. And I don't want to strangle them, that's why.

I'm off. I need to go fall asleep watching a movie now, and then wake up, stumble out to the living room and knit.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

The poop, the whole poop, and nothing butt.

Ten very important minutes in Ladybug's life:

"Mommm! Mom!"

"Wha?"

"Mom. I have to go poop. Come with me. Come on mom. No, get out of the bathroom. DON'T LEAVE! Stay in the bedroom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Come look! I made a BIIIIGG poop. No I'm not done. There's more. Get out of the bathroom. DON'T LEAVE. STay in the bedroom. Mom? No, I'm not done. Stay in the bedroom. Mom? No, I'm not done. My face is a mess. My hair needs to be brushed. No! Don't come in. Get out of the bathroom. MOM! Look. I made another poop. That's two poops. No, I'm not done. Get out of the bathroom. DON'T LEAVE! STay in the bedroom, mom. Mom! I can't find the paper. OKay. No, I"m not done. Get out of the bathroom. DON'T LEAVE. Mom! Look! I made another poop. That's three poops. No, I'm not done. Get out. Wait. No, I"m not done. Yes. Yes, I'm done. MOM! Come help me wipe. Okay, I'm done. Get out! MOM! I need to wash my hands. Help me. Okay. I'm done. DON'T LEAVE! I'm coming out. Okay, Mom. All done. Come let me sit on your lap now."

*sigh*

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Entertainment in the Rabbit Hole

The Cave Troll asked that I post this, because he loves it, that's why:



And I thought I'd tell you that Ladybug freaked out yesterday. Seems she'd downed some kool-aid and sucked her thumb. "Mooooooommmmmmmmm!!! My thumb's RED!"

Friday, July 10, 2009

Posting From the Rabbit Hole

Okay--I admit it.

I'm eyeball deep from the rabbit hole.

Those of you who write--or knit--know about the rabbit hole. It's the place you go when all of your energy, all of your creativity, creates a quantum singularity of your attention, and suddenly...whoop! There you are.

You listen to the kids with half an ear. You watch television with only part of your attention. You yearn for moments when you are alone--you can knit or design or spin or even just fold clothes and be IN THE RABBIT HOLE.

My kids have learned to 'handle' me. They clean the house when I ask, they get the little kids milk or dvds or whatever the hell they need, and everyone learns that when mom looks at them blankly, whatever it is they're saying is going RIGHT over her head.

Oh yeah--I do manage basic shit. We made it to Fairytale Town yesterday, where the little kids ran themselves senseless and I got to have an AWESOME conversation with my friend Jenny, who never gives up hope for writing and who always buys and reads my books and who LOVES to talk about books, science fiction, m/m romance and, in general, all the stuff I love to talk about but have so very few people who share the same interest. It was awesome--it exhausted the little kids, I had fun... and then I came back home and whoop!

Right down the rabbit hole.

Today I went to aqua-aerobics and then played with the kids for an hour in the pool--we had a good time. The little kids get bolder every time we go into the pool. Ladybug was putting her face in the water and blowing bubbles today. (About that--my little Squishy Belle has a nice patina of tan--with freckles! Today her brother was offering to take away her freckles and Squishy said "No! My freckles are pretty! Mom said so!" Proof, I guess, that I only sort of suck as a parent.)

But I got home, got them fed, turned on some Spongebob, and whoop!

Right down the rabbit hole.

Why? Because someone in a position to publish my work said, "Hey--we're waiting for you to submit something!" and the perfectest bestest most wonderfulest story dropped into my head from heaven.

So I went from 744 pages of RAMPANT into what's looking to be 50 pages of IF I MUST. I have literally written more than 40 pages in three days.

My head is full of voices that aren't mine, conversations I've never had, emotions I've never needed to contend with.

And kids who are tired of Seefood. (If I see it, I throw it in the pot.)

This, boys and girls, is where you live when the roar of the dragon drowns out all reason. What's really insane is that, at the moment? I'm happy to be here.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

WHHHHHHEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

Okay, so I was on Twitter, right? Because that's what I do, right? And dreamspinner press--an e-book pub that specializes in m/m romance--well they got on Twitter, right? And Lynn, who's in charge at dreamspinner posted a youtube prompt..This one, to be exact, and said she was DYING for a story to go with it.

So I obliged.

In 1/2 an hour, I had 700 words about Jace and Quentin. And they were hot.

And dreamspinner press is going to send it out as a teaser in their next newsletter.

And they (Lynn West!) said, "When are you going to submit a full length story?"

And I said (because I'm a dorkfish) "I'm up to my ass in alligators (okay, maybe I didn't put it that way) but when I'm done with my current Little Goddess projects, I'll be banging down your door."

And then, fully blown, a story that will probably be around 5-10 thousand words dropped out of the sky and into my brain, completely formed, like Athene out of Zeus' head. (That was the goddess who did that, right? Maybe it was Artemis. Who cares--I'm on a roll!)

And the story's set around Christmas. Just in time to submit by Sept. 1st for their Christmas edition.

Uhm, WHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

And, oh yeah--just in time for me to work on the story while a take a break before doing my first edit on the fourth Little Goddess book. You know, because I, uhm, FINISHED RAMPANT TODAY!!! (At a piddlin little 744 pages pre-edit, I might add. Yeah-- it's not gonna be much... you know... not nearly as long as Bitter Moon! Bitter Moon II that is!)

OKay-- a brief prayer first--you're all with me, right? Holy Goddess, Merciful God, LET IT NOT SUCK!

And now, with me, a little celebration.

one-two-three WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, July 6, 2009

Why Mean People Can Kiss My Ass

Okay-- I have to admit, I'm in a little bit of pain. VULNERABLE, my baby, my first, has been continually kicked in the nuts on amazon.com, and yeah--it hurts.

But today, while sulking like a kid with a crappy report card, I was reminded (yet again) of why the mean people on amazon.com can kiss my fat white ass.

Galad-- Galad sent me (because she's between five and eight buckets of awesome) a lovely card, a LOVELY copy of Madeleine L'Engle's book 'Herself', and (okay--are you all ready for a fibergasm?) a BEAUTIMOUS skein of Wollmeise in this heart's blood color that defies description but catches my breath. I would ask Galad why she lavished me with such bounty--but I won't. Galad is such a wonderful friend and e-buddy, that I shall simply take her generosity on faith and affection--she has certainly reaffirmed my faith and affection for my fellow man. (If anybody has some ideas for a crochet project in 575 yards of fingering weight wool, let me know... for some reason, my fingers are itching for some tiny crochet--maybe because it's denser and the color just begs to be saturated... or maybe because it's quicker and I want to work this stuff up asap!)

Elizabeth Gentry-- This very nice woman is also struggling with self-publishing her own books and after some e-correspondence, she asked if she could give me credit on the inside front cover of her second book. I piss and I whine a lot, but I forget what it was like to be at the very beginning of this little journey, and SO certain that only my family and friends would EVER read my book--Beth keeps on hoping, and she seems to think I help her do that. How miserable can I be if someone who wrote a book thinks I'm an inspiration? I mean really, as a teacher, that's the absolute best I can be. Thanks, Beth--I'm so very proud to be in your book:-)

Lorna Miller--This here is Lorna's website. She's trying to raise money for training and outreach for parents of children with autism--and she asked me to donate a set of the Little Goddess books for her silent auction. HOW COOL IS THAT? (Okay--I'm obviously sort of an idealist because I'm excited about giving my books away!) I mean--she asked for MY BOOKS to help raise money for something cool! I'm beyond honored.

The Cave Troll--who wanted me to pull a penny from behind his ear. He was afraid I wouldn't know how before we started the trick, so he took the penny and shoved it in his ear first. He's SUCH a five-year-old boy--that's both charming AND gross!

All of you--including fawatson, Joy, Naidina, blondie, Eric, Leanne and Littlewitch who either just posted, contacted me on amazon.com, or, (in LW's case) patted my shoulder as I whined-- for reminding me that I don't write for the people who hate my work but for the people who love it. You're all more than worth the effort of pulling up my bootstraps and writing on.